Life As I Know It...Is Changing

Today, I'm feeling very pregnant...exhausted and moody are the best words to describe what I'm feeling. Despite my plans and hopes, my live as I know it is changing without my permission. Odd, isn't it that you see how your life will unfold and then all of a sudden drastic things come and knock you over. When you get up, not only can you not tell where you are, but also you can't find your expertly laid out path.


Mike and I have always been planners and dreamers. Talking incessantly about our hopes and goals, we've always tried to follow what we thought was good advice and what was "God's will" for our lives. Turns out, out carefully laid out plans were all for nothing.

Mike is joining the Army. He leaves for basic training on April 14th. Six days after my schedule c-section, my husband will leave for six months. I'm tearing up now. No, this is not a surprise to me, but the way people look at me when we tell them what we're doing makes me feel vulnerable and downhearted.
"Are you okay with that?" they usually ask...the first question everytime to be exact.
My immediate response in my brain is to say "Of course, you idiot. I'm thrilled that this is what's happening to us. I'm overjoyed that my husband will be gone for six months. I'm delighted to have a two year old and a newborn to parent by myself. Screw you."

But, that probably wouldn't go over so well. So my real response is to hold back the tears and say, "We're in this together." My cousin, Danelle (also and Army wife) gave me some amazing advice months ago. She said that she would rather live her life with her husband even if he were to have to leave her some, than not be a part of his life at all. That is the truth.

Although we have encountered some major curveballs over the last two years, Mike and I are still happier together than we would be apart. We love eachother. We are best friends. We are true soulmates.

Thankfully, there are a number of things that I remember on days like today. One, I am blessed with a Heavenly Father Who is there. I may not feel like He's listening or paying attention, but my faith tells me He's there.

Two, I am desperately in love with my husband. Six years of marriage and I still crave his presence. I still love him with every fiber of my being.

Three, I am the mother of a wonderful two year old daughter, who although, right now is struggling with a cold and some allergies, is healthy and amazing. She has brought so much joy to our lives.

Four, I am expecting a healthy, baby boy in six days. After a relitively uneventful pregnancy, I am ready to have him here.

There are many more things that help my outlook become sunny again. On days that look bleek and depressing, I have learned to let myself cry it out, go to my special "thankful" thoughts, and continue on.